Which Way Is Up?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

In the past month, I put my cat to sleep and my dad died. My husband deploys in a matter of weeks to a far off distant land and will be gone a year. If you look closely, you'll see the strings holding me up.

A friend asked what more could happen but I don't want to think anymore. As the time draws closer to his departure, I find myself wondering about how I'll keep busy to make the days go by faster. That's when I think about Dad. I had imagined endless phone calls to him and my mom to help make the time pass. I imagined the stories my dad would want to hear from husband about his tour when he returned. And how they would pick up where they left off and talk about baseball and who would win the World Series. They always had so much to talk about... The grief, though modified now, is still real, raw and painful. Will I ever not miss him? Highly unlikely.

I'm hoping to find a bright spot in all of this but it has yet to reveal itself. As someone pointed out yesterday, Spring is coming. Eventually.