The husband and I had our first real fight the other night. Time and forgiveness have blurred the details of what it was about. I told myself I wouldn't blog it but writing gives me an outlet and a chance to think things through.
It didn't last long, maybe an hour but it was just before bedtime. As we cooled down in our respective corners I kept wondering how come marriage didn't come with an instruction booklet. I am the kind of person who learns visually, either by reading or hands on. How can I jump into a situation without instructions on how to start to ensure victory or success? Yet I did just that exactly five months ago today in fact and I'm learning as I go. I want a marriage like my parents have: married 45 years and still going strong. I guess I've learned about marriage by seeing them and other successful couples. Yet no two marriages are the same. How could they be? After all, no two people are alike so how could marriage be? But my analytical mind wants it to be formulaic and logical. Like a recipe, do this and add that and this is what you get. Why can't it be like that?
After husband came to bed on Saturday, I found I didn't want to be near him still. This surprised me. I love this man more than anyone else in the world and the thought of being next to him was not pleasing. There was obviously tension. I got up, spent an hour or two in front of the TV and/or internet and then went back to bed when I was too tired to keep my eyes open. Sunday morning dawned and things seemed brighter but as I told him over cereal, I still wasn't where I needed to be. I realize what I needed was him. Not to say I'm sorry or I love you, but I needed a gesture -- a touch, a kiss, something but when you marry someone whose parents abandoned their children in favor of alcohol, little gestures do not come easily and you learn to be patient while you show them, teach them to do those little things. We spent the day together and took a drive north to see what we could see. Things felt better.
It was Sunday night at bedtime that I knew we were "back" I kissed him goodnight and rolled over on my side. He snuggled up close behind me, draping his arm on my hip and whispered, "I love you wife, goodnight."
Life is good.
It didn't last long, maybe an hour but it was just before bedtime. As we cooled down in our respective corners I kept wondering how come marriage didn't come with an instruction booklet. I am the kind of person who learns visually, either by reading or hands on. How can I jump into a situation without instructions on how to start to ensure victory or success? Yet I did just that exactly five months ago today in fact and I'm learning as I go. I want a marriage like my parents have: married 45 years and still going strong. I guess I've learned about marriage by seeing them and other successful couples. Yet no two marriages are the same. How could they be? After all, no two people are alike so how could marriage be? But my analytical mind wants it to be formulaic and logical. Like a recipe, do this and add that and this is what you get. Why can't it be like that?
After husband came to bed on Saturday, I found I didn't want to be near him still. This surprised me. I love this man more than anyone else in the world and the thought of being next to him was not pleasing. There was obviously tension. I got up, spent an hour or two in front of the TV and/or internet and then went back to bed when I was too tired to keep my eyes open. Sunday morning dawned and things seemed brighter but as I told him over cereal, I still wasn't where I needed to be. I realize what I needed was him. Not to say I'm sorry or I love you, but I needed a gesture -- a touch, a kiss, something but when you marry someone whose parents abandoned their children in favor of alcohol, little gestures do not come easily and you learn to be patient while you show them, teach them to do those little things. We spent the day together and took a drive north to see what we could see. Things felt better.
It was Sunday night at bedtime that I knew we were "back" I kissed him goodnight and rolled over on my side. He snuggled up close behind me, draping his arm on my hip and whispered, "I love you wife, goodnight."
Life is good.
posted by G.E. at
9:20 AM
1 Comments:
Hes Beginning to sound more and more like Dave......It was almost a mirror to our fight this past weekend and he just shuts down instead of showing or saying anything.............
By
Monica, at 7:51 AM
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